Bluff Your Way In Antiques

Bluff Your Way in Antiques (1985) – André Launay
Bluffer’s Guides | ISBN: 9780907830061
Condition: Good | Sold by Crappy Old Books

Antiques. A fascinating world in which an old chair can be worth £15 or £15,000, depending on whether it was made by a celebrated eighteenth-century cabinetmaker or somebody’s grandfather in his garden shed. The difference is often invisible to the untrained eye, which explains why antique dealers tend to spend so much time examining the undersides of furniture and making thoughtful noises through their noses.

Fortunately, André Launay has come to the rescue with Bluff Your Way in Antiques, a delightfully irreverent guide to appearing knowledgeable about old things without having to endure the inconvenience of actually becoming an expert.

Published in 1985, this entertaining addition to the celebrated Bluffer’s Guides series offers readers a shortcut into the intimidating world of antique furniture, porcelain, silver, paintings and assorted objects that have somehow survived long enough to become considerably more expensive than when they were new.

The essential skill, naturally, is confidence. When confronted with a battered Georgian chest of drawers, never admit that you haven’t the faintest idea what you’re looking at. Instead, mutter something about the patina, examine the dovetail joints, express mild concern about restoration and suggest that the proportions are perhaps not quite what one would expect. Your audience will immediately assume that you possess decades of specialist knowledge rather than a remarkable talent for sounding dissatisfied.

The antiques trade is particularly well suited to bluffing because its vocabulary is wonderfully obscure. Words such as provenance, ormolu, marquetry, cabriole and Chippendale can be deployed with devastating effect, particularly among people who suspect they ought to know what they mean but are too embarrassed to ask.

Then there is the delicate business of distinguishing genuine antiquity from carefully manufactured age. A cracked vase might be a priceless survivor of the Ming dynasty or something purchased in a seaside gift shop and subsequently dropped down the stairs. The experienced dealer will know the difference. The accomplished bluffer will simply narrow his eyes and announce that further research is required.

Launay’s humorous approach belongs to a splendid British tradition of gently puncturing the pretensions of specialist worlds, where expertise is respected, jargon is plentiful and a sufficiently authoritative expression can sometimes carry a person remarkably far.

This 1985 edition, offered in Good condition by Crappy Old Books, is an amusing find for collectors, antique enthusiasts, car-boot-sale regulars and anyone who has ever watched an expert on television transform an apparently worthless ornament into the equivalent of a modest family holiday.

It is also an appealing little period piece from the days when antique hunting involved dusty shops, provincial auction rooms and knowledgeable gentlemen in tweed jackets rather than online bidding wars conducted in one’s pyjamas.

A splendidly entertaining guide to the fine art of knowing just enough about antiques to convince everybody else that you know considerably more.

And should somebody ask whether your magnificent discovery is genuinely eighteenth century, simply reply that the provenance remains intriguingly uncertain.

Which sounds infinitely better than admitting you bought it for £3 at a jumble sale.

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